lily jane

i was only nice to your face

but who finished first in the race?

it wasn’t me in bitterness

it was you, so pretty in your dress

i think back on days in the park

you picked up my peices

as i tore myself apart

chubby legs by the sea

and dinners with our families

a call away, a thrown stone

and letters when i stayed at home

mineral powder and hand-me-downs

california gurls from the crowd

before i painted my life in anon-grey

and pushed my real friends away

hateful words in jealously

when anger got the best of me

sideways glares for no good reason

didn’t know why i was leaving

i never threw another stone

never waved on the drive home

i was to blame for that sour end

(you became my ex-best friend)

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eloise

your skin was like an open wound

when i knew you last

met you at 8 years old

but all we had was past

we bonded over bitchiness

and black mascara stains

through kisses on lips with older boys

and endless growing pains

i remember slapping you in the face

and you forgiving me

and when i say ‘slapping you in the face’

i mean, like, literally

you thought i was dumb and spoke too much

i thought you were a slut

our bitchiness made us friends

and made our deepest cuts

i didn’t say that i was leaving

i didn’t think you’d care

and then we never spoke again

left 8 years right there

i never saw your braces off

i never saw you cut your hair

i never saw find yourself

and i never thought I’d care

 

 

lily rose

you invited him into your room

ordinary afternoon

you fell into it and swimming’s nice

until the water turns to rice

and we never even saw you there

in your sexy underwear

so held together, advised us all

but just like us, you took the fall

under buttons, bit by strange teeth

your skin was warm and rare as meat

four summers on, you’re not in love

and i only see it now

20 beautiful things (add more in the comments)

  1. randomly placed park benches
  2. old signs that have been left to age
  3. views from train windows
  4. plaques
  5. unexpected parks and open green spaces
  6. eating until you are full
  7. saying hello to people while out walking
  8. children singing
  9. seagulls waiting patiently for chips
  10. pets’ happiness when seeing you again
  11. pets waiting patiently for their dinner
  12. cool breezes
  13. easy conversations
  14. a cold drink when you really need one
  15. afternoon sun
  16. waving from the train
  17. patience
  18. cities at night
  19. driving through farmland
  20. comfortable pants

12 things i learned in 12 months

  1. conformity is unifying and unavoidable
  2. you are solely responsible for who you are and how you behave
  3. wanting to look nice is not a weakness
  4. clapping is encouraging and an appropriate way of saying thank you when you can’t use words
  5. smiling and saying hello to strangers is a good thing to do
  6. you don’t need diagnoses to validate or make sense of or affirm feelings or traits
  7. death is a very practical and thriving business and is not at all romantic
  8. it is important to listen to people and engage fully with them when communicating
  9. being highly organised and making plans is crucial

10. nobody is not annoying

11. being and doing average is enough

12. time goes quickly

waiting

there are so many different types of waiting.

even when it doesn’t seem like waiting, it is waiting.

  • sitting on a train waiting
  • driving in your car waiting
  • cooking waiting
  • washing the dishes waiting
  • aeroplane waiting
  • formal waiting room waiting
  • applying eye cream waiting
  • treadmil waiting
  • test result waiting
  • phone ringing waiting
  • weekend waiting
  • summer waiting
  • winter waiting
  • knowing they’re about to leave waiting
  • hoping someone better comes along waiting
  • listening to a song waiting
  • staying awake waiting
  • going to sleep waiting
  • living waiting
  • dying waiting

unpleasant sensations

  • wet bath mats
  • wet tissues or paper
  • the texture of newspaper
  • bathrooms
  • the smell of toilet paper
  • having dough stuck to my hands
  • strong perfumes in public
  • the last sip of any drink
  • chipped or no nail polish nail texture
  • public pools
  • summer weather and summer clothes and summer shoes
  • sticky feet/bare feet on floor
  • stickers on anything
  • the last bit of glad-wrap/paper towel/toilet paper (the bit which is stuck to the roll)
  • dish brushes/sponges
  • having anything stuck to my feet
  • plastic utensils and cups
  • frozen things on my hands/skin
  • having any person (other than myself) touch the dry skin on my toes or fingernails