how much of our interactions with others are based on pretending? pretending to be interested in their anecdotes, pretending to be interested when they answer our questions in too many words, pretending to be curious about their passions? we care about them, we care about what they say, we care about their passions. but how often do we have to carefully craft the right questions to respond with? how often do we wish we could better relate – even to the people with whom we are closest?
how much of the time we spend listening to someone else, are we looking for something they say that we can tie to our own experience? in order to understand them and their feelings, and ultimately create a response, we connect their stories with our own. is there really such a thing as having a pure understanding of another person? or is it only possible to think about them, through our own lens?
i feel like the only real way a conversation goes from being based on the loose and generalised pattern i have proposed to an actual relationship, is through shared experience. we fall into our deepest connections with others because of shared experience. we can know everything about each other’s personal experiences, but it is only when we share something, that it becomes real. it is rare to convey and have another person appreciate the feeling of your existence, and that is why it is so enchanting to feel the same thing at the same time in almost the same way as someone else. when we have a shared experience, it seems to be the closest we can get to genuine and selfless understanding. no wonder it makes us fall in love, and also why love feels so rare.