Why do people fear being alone? Why is it that people site being alone as one of the more difficult and unpleasant everyday experiences? I don’t really know if we ever experience being truly alone anymore; we have too many things available to distract us from ourselves. However, I feel that to spend time alone without being distracted from ourselves is probably one of the most valuable and enlightening things we can do.
I feel the fear of being alone, stems from our fear of confronting our unpleasantness. Being alone for ‘too long’ is the point at which we start to see and experience our worst qualities – the qualities we suppress and try to hide from ourselves and especially from the world. We shy away from experiencing negative thoughts in the name of staying positive, but I’ve never believed it is helpful it it is to deny responsibility for our unpleasantness.
Some say that it is best and right to suppress the natural unpleasantness which occurs within all of us, and live as normally as possible. However, I want to challenge that and push through the point of being alone for ‘too long’, to a point where we have to confront and accept how difficult we can be. Learn how nice you can be; your interests and what is interesting about you. Feel good about that, but don’t label your difficult ~things~ with badness or guilt in contrast.
When you feel like you’ve been alone too long, sit with it. Listen to your unpleasantness, know your unpleasantness, but don’t feel bad about it. Rather, take responsibility for what makes you difficult or irritating. Unpleasantness within is not circumstantial or a passing phase; it is a fixed weight to balance our spectrum of being human.
I feel like it is unrealistic to jump to defense when people find us difficult. Rather, take responsibility for what makes you hard to live with or sometimes hard to love. Take responsibility for and understand that you can be loved as a full and dynamic person. Don’t beat yourself up for exposing your unpleasantness to those you love, instead of focusing solely on being lovable.
It is when responsibility for our unpleasantness has been accepted, that love becomes a full experience. Love becomes a shared experience based on admiration and generosity towards what is unappealing about each other. While it feels good to be loved and admired for our good qualities, it is totally permissible and fair to expose your unpleasantness honestly to those who are close, and have our weaknesses inspire kindness.