i sat opposite all of them, and i could not longer see their faces. instead, i saw beating hearts. that made me scared because i realised who i am doing this for – my heart.
since this experience i have been thinking and visualising my body processing everything i put into it. i see it struggling with the fat and sugar and chemicals – more effort than they are worth. i feel nervous when i do this. i begin to feel the strain of my body as it sorts through unwanted food and drink items.
i eat mostly good food, but too much of it. the other food (the bad food) should not be in my diet at all. the reason i eat things that are ‘bad’ is because i rely on food for a sensory experience. the reason i eat too much of good foods is also because of my psychological connection to food. i want to be stimulated by taste to derive pleasure.
animals are all a standard size until they are domesticated and exposed to our food psychology. they eat for hunger, survival and nothing else. there is no pleasure, no treating or cheating. food is just food.
the culture of over eating and over buying and waste scares me. i go into a supermarket and i realise how much of the food is psychological foods – for our minds, not our bodies and brains. it has got to be 50% of what is available. how often do we eat for our minds, but not our brains?
i have also realised my aversion to feeling hunger. the minute it begins, it sparks an undeniable desire to eat and feel totally comfortable. i want to know hunger for a while – as it sets in and is a genuine physiological stimuli.
i want food to become just food for me. i don’t want to have cravings because of my psychological bonds with food. we all eat too much. we are all straying from the biological potential of our form.
for the next month (starting five days ago) i want to eat food as food. i will enjoy it for satisfying hunger and sustaining my life but i don’t want to eat anything for pleasure, even if it is moderated. this might be because i am depressed, but it feels like a good idea for now.