i find the concept of ‘god’ to be an important one in how we interact with and understand ourselves. not god as a sublime being, but god as a conceptualised version of you .
god facilitates hard conversations that we struggle to have with ourselves.
god allows us to express emotions to ourselves that we mightn’t feel comfortable to let out when alone.
god allows us to acknowledge and accept the unpleasant things about ourselves with a sense of neutrality that doesn’t descend into self-hatred.
god is the therapist, god is your rational mind, listening and responding to your irrational mind.
god is you – the echo of your own deepest thoughts and feelings.
to me, god is not a man or a woman. there is no one in the sky, there is no heaven, there is no hell. there is a conscience that exists within you but there is a fear to connect with it.
god doesn’t impose morality or ethics, good or bad, sickness or health, but allows you to hear yourself – the answers god gives you are your own answers echoing back.
the purpose of god, is to abate the fear of knowing yourself and connect you with your own conscience.
you know someone, then you love them, then you hate them, so you have to get used to not knowing them anymore.
sometimes that’s okay but other times it feels weird and wrong – just like this song.
you think of them when you drive, work, sleep, walk, and look out over the view you two loved.
then you get it out of your head, cuz what else!?
once you’ve felt something once, it feels entirely different on subsequent occasions. he was seventeen and i loved him so dearly and with desperate commitment, but part of me always felt nostalgic when we were together because i always knew it would end. he’s twenty-one now and it’s impossible for me to look as myself now, as i did then. i liked loving him; it was dumb but fun. he was stupid and funny and those first days were the sweetest days i’d ever felt. the sound of my phone was orchestral and the scent of my p***y was industrial (-:
said the crow to the eye:
“i see how you cry,
you cry because you’re lost in the world.
your hair is thrown up
like your dinner and lunch
you act like a woman
but you’re only a girl.
you use me to find and you use me to feel
light in a world where you’re blind
you’ll run when i’m near
hold tight when i’m far
but it’s you, not me
you must find.”
Teardrops are so pretty
They bring out my eyes
Sadness is a mystery
And mystery is nice
Who am I without it
Never going back
The game is fun, you kiss the dice
And I like it like that
i was only nice to your face
but who finished first in the race?
it wasn’t me in bitterness
it was you, so pretty in your dress
i think back on days in the park
you picked up my peices
as i tore myself apart
chubby legs by the sea
and dinners with our families
a call away, a thrown stone
and letters when i stayed at home
mineral powder and hand-me-downs
california gurls from the crowd
before i painted my life in anon-grey
and pushed my real friends away
hateful words in jealously
when anger got the best of me
sideways glares for no good reason
didn’t know why i was leaving
i never threw another stone
never waved on the drive home
i was to blame for that sour end
(you became my ex-best friend)